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5G & the Perils of Stuck-Home Syndrome

The Internet Of Every Thing = ME — Those of us that think this impending 5G Network, is just about upgrading your phone to a faster network, are missing the point big time. Upgrading the System from 4G to 5G, is more analogous to upgrading from a typewriter to a computer. Imagine trying to explain the full potential of a computer, to those who used typewriters back in the day. They’d probably be thinking, oh well it has a flatter keyboard, so I might be able to type a bit faster, and maybe correct mistakes a bit easier using cut and paste…

Imagine trying to explain, that in the future, workers are called, Users, and these Users will do almost every type of work, using a computer! I can imagine that most back-in-the-days people, would not have been able to comprehend, such a quantum-leap in the use of such a device.  Looking back, we now know that the only comparison between a computer and a typewriter, is in the qwerty layout of the keyboard…  That is where the similarity ends.  A computer is infinitely superior in every single way to it’s predecessor, the typewriter. That is the jump we need to imagine when we are talking about going from 4G to 5G.

5G, is the doorway to the Internet of Every Things (IOET).  The promised upgrade of faster speeds that are being touted, might impact upon some of us in the way back-in-the-day typists were able to improve their keying-in speed, when they changed over from typewriter to keyboard, but the real boon of 5G is in IOET. 5G will allow service-providers, to access all kinds of useful metrics from us 24/7, from almost everything that runs on electricity in your house. We’re talking; Computers, and mobile phones, but also; lightbulbs, power plug sockets, printers, fridge-freezers, cookers, boilers, shavers, curling tongs, cameras, smoke detectors, electric toothbrushes… All these things will be slowly upgraded to be able to access, and share YOU via 5G!

“Why would anybody in the right mind want to do that?” I hear you ask sniggering under your breath, [ironically in the same manner that back-in-the-days YOU, asked a similar question: Why anyone would need to have a computer in their house?… I know I asked that question back in the day too]. Well, to answer the initial question, any time you hear the term: Internet of Every Thing, you need to think: ME!… ME is an acronym for: Monetizing Everything… that’s monetising everything about YOU! In the same way that cunning advertisers came up, a few years back, with the concept of #MonetizingBlackRage, i.e making huge profit from programmable, predictable, triggerable, community backlash, following some well planned and placed, public racist projects, (remember the racist Dove Adds? or racist Benetton ones? or the H&M Coolest Monkey in the Jungle?) some bright spark, in a very dark corner of the galaxy, has literally taken this monetising malarky to the next step, and in order to make it all work to the fullness, we all need to have 5G installed in our homes whether we like it or not.

In the not too distant future, every device in your house, or on your person, will be able to communicate via 5G with the service provider. Every device will measure, and share every metric about YOU that is measurable, with the service provider, which will then work out ways to monetise those metrics.  WHAAAAT?… YEEEES!… You know how when you surf the internet these days, and every page you click onto, you will see adverts tailor made just for YOU?… Ever wonder how this happens? Internet Cookies are storing bits of information about you from every page you visit. Notice how almost every site nowadays requires you to agree to accept cookies before they give you access?  Well 5G metrics gathering will do the same, but on a whole next level!… a 5G level.

Now your fridge will be able to tell when you are running out of food, or your milk is going off, and be able to share that information with Service Providers.  Suddenly online milk delivery ads start appearing on your phone… Or your doorbell rings and it is Sainsbury’s milk deliveries… Or even worse, milk is delivered via drone to your front door, and funds have already been debited from your account!…  [Well actually that could be kind of handy]  Imagine you are brushing your teeth with your nice electric 5G toothbrush. It’s already read your saliva and sent a daily swab-sample to your GP, via the matrix, and a warning light starts flashing somewhere at the surgery. Suddenly the doorbell rings, and medication arrives via drone! Say you’re feeling rebellious and decide not to take the medication.  Well the next day your toothbrush will be able to report that, by measuring your saliva and testing for traces of the drug!…  Does that sound creepy?… What would back-in-the-day you, have said if you were told, that in the future, hundreds of people that you’ve never met, some even in other countries, would be following you through cyberspace?… You’d be Creeped out right?

We are heading into a new zone, and If nothing else links the Corona Virus to 5G, it is definitely this. The fact that the Covid-19 Lockdown in the world has those used to working at the office 9-5, literally at home and suffering the affects of Stuck-Home Syndrome, where minds have time to play, and wander and chase conspiracy theories around recent world events. In my mind there’s nothing wrong with analysing these conspiracy theories, because that’s how we’ll eventually get to the truth. Gwaaanmyooot!…